Compartmentalisation and OCD: How to teach yourself to ‘put it on hold’

How to????! Clearly I’m having my Andy Anderson moment (if you haven’t seen How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, this is your sign to). To the non-mentally insane who have actually watched the film, don’t Benjamin’s advertising rival ladies give you such powerlesbian vibes together?! 2003 queerbaiting without even knowing it??????????

I think the idea of not having to immediately solve a ‘problem’ is a foreign concept to people with OCD. The illness sets off a code red alarm, as if you’re in the platinum five minutes, and if not aided within this time, the patient will die. This faulty danger-response prevention sucks you into a maelstrom of instantaneous deduction deduction deduction and ‘preventative’ compulsion compulsion compulsion, with a riptide so strong that it can take you out of situations in which your close attention is really needed, like teaching a woodwork class full of blind kids, or performing brain surgery. You just stand there frozen, holding a scalpel, staring at one spot on the floor, the beeps of the heart monitor gradually slowing in the background.

Compartmentalising is the act of disassociating from an action whereby that behaviour, and its repercussions, are divided from the rest of your life and ‘sectioned off’ to a different part of the shelf that are not to be thought about for as long as is necessary. The ability to compartmentalise is a gift given to the naturally un-anxious, or sometimes those who really struggle to confront challenging situations.

This is one of the many reasons why I find people with anxiety to be amongst the bravest: they are forced to confront something very scary and plough through bouts of worry almost daily, while some have the luxury of choosing not to. As I myself am in the process of trying to teach myself to compartmentalise, I thought it could be cute (and perhaps erotic?) for us to undertake this journey together.

I’m not saying compartmentalisation is the healthiest thing one can do. Many people who struggle to process their own emotions or who regularly have to unwillingly ruin someone’s day (executioners, police officers, ticket inspectors, bouncers) are very good at this technique. It is one that can leave people in a state of general emotional detachment or repression, is the kind of behavioural pattern therapists discourage and girlfriends spend years tearing their hair out trying to coax their boyfriends out of. HOWEVER, everything in moderation, and a sprinkling of it can be very helpful to those with extreme anxiety or OCD, because our goal here is to be able to continue with everyday life without being consumed by one rumination-masquerading-as-deduction that our brain is convincing us needs urgent attention.

The first question to ask yourself is: Is this worry life threatening to yourself or others? No.

The second question to ask is: Is the bad outcome I’m fearing a large possibility? Usually, no.

(At this stage, before carrying on with your life, perhaps you are allowed one moment of neuroses, one moment of slight ‘damage control’, as your brain will like to call it, if this situation concerns other people. You can message whoever and say ‘I’m having one of my prangs, please don’t act on this until I’ve had a second to think about it as currently I’m very busy’. And then move on. And we’ll get to how to do this later.)

Hack one: If it does not concern someone else and is more an internal deduction of a situation or belief, in search of an ‘answer,’ a little trick I like to sometimes use is to set myself a reminder on my phone to stress about this at another time. Eg:

REMINDER: TOMORROW AT 11AM, RUMINATE FOR DEAR LIFE ABOUT WHETHER YOU MIGHT SECRETLY BE A MURDERER.

Then go on with your day, finally get some rest, go out with your friends, knowing that this thought, this ‘deduction’ can be on hold for now because you know exactly when you’re going to give it the mental energy your OCD is telling you have to. The beauty of it is, more often than not, by the time to think on it comes you won’t want to, because now it’s an instruction that past-you set, and no one likes to be bossed around, especially not your bigger bhadder and better future self. But also, in that moment you’ll realise that in reality, sitting down and thinking hard on a possible urge that you really up until this point haven’t even contemplated doing, (because having a thought on the tube platform to push someone in front of the oncoming train/ holding a baby and thinking ‘what if I just threw it?’ don’t count) sounds really dull. Like, go to a waterpark??????

Disclaimer: I know that sometimes an intrusive thought can be paralysing. Most inconveniently, when you get one mid-conversation that you are unable to bat away, the incoming chatter can feel like an overwhelming layer-too-many. So, HACK 2: Sometimes the best thing to do is just say, “hang on one sec I really need a wee”. And then step away, breathe it out for a minute, and go back. The other person really will not mind one bit.

Hack 3: GO SIDEWAYS! When trying to compartmentalise, try to picture the rumination, and then ‘clear minded-ness’ as two lanes running parallel to each other. When you’re entering into deduction mode, your brain is convinced it needs to keep driving in that lane to reach your ‘destination’: your answer. This obviously is never obtained, or at least, you get a temporary answer that you can never know for definite and then when this satisfying moment of false-nourishment dries up, the cycle reboots once again. In order to compartmentalise the worry, weird as it sounds, tell your brain that you can in fact step sideways. The physical sensation of an incoming loop is the feeling of being pulled up/down, forward/backwards. For me, it’s the most similar to a descending whirlpool. It’s not obvious that you can step laterally out of the brewing spiral any time. That there is also a left and right. Mentally picture yourself switching lanes: shifting sideways on foot or in a car out of the rumination lane and into the other. Visually picture yourself stepping out of something. It sounds mad, but at least for me, it can really help. What’s left is a worry, a ‘fast lane’ that you can see at your side or in your peripheral vision. It’s like the EAC from Finding Nemo. A current you can see and know you will eventually dive back into, but for now, you are floating peacefully outside of it.

We could call this 'visual compartmentalisation', I suppose. You can see the place you need to go, but are not presently in it. That lane or whirlpool or fizzing black cloud of mania that looks a lot like Mr Scribble can hang out there for as long as needed until you're ready to address it, if you ever must. Just keep stepping sideways. It might even dissipate on its own.

Right now I’m lying down ankles crossed on the red leather sofa at work, typing with one hand and shovelling Forrero Rochets into my mouth with the other. I feel like Mariah Carey. I imagine she does this on an identical sofa, whilst scrolling through YouTube watching shit home-covers of her songs and sniggering. One of my baby ballet students gave me Ferrero Rochets for Christmas. Maybe my dance mom, “NO GO BACK AND DO THOSE PAS DE CHAT’S AGAIN, LYDIA” energy was more endearing than I realised. Life really is ok. I’m healthy, multiple bar tenders in Hackney want to fuck me, and I’m earning actual valid money right here on earth. OCD is so manageable at the very least, and recovery is more than likely. Keep doing things that make you happy. And exercise a shit ton for the love of God. Life has too much to offer to let your illness control you!!!!!!!!!!!